It's four in the morning

Lying awake in the small hours and fretting doesn't get you anywhere. I know that. I also know that blogging is supposed to aid reflection - getting it off your chest and so on. So I've decided to trial whether blogging quietly about my forthcoming surgery will help me sleep better. Where to begin? Let's go for last Monday.

Have you ever tried parking at a hospital these days - I'm not in the least surprised that reactive hypertension is the new buzzword in the medical press. Any way we made it with a minute to spare only to discover a) the waiting area was unstaffed and b) it was for multiple sclerosis patients. Whoa! Do I have multiple sclerosis? I thought I was here to see a man about a lump in my brain - I'd been having problems with my hearing and an MRI scan had identified the issue. With no-one around to ask - not even another patient for the Skull clinic, I went  for distraction activity; I took out my marking - 6 essays on primary school experience by newly arrived student teachers.

However, before I'd a chance to correct the first inappropriate use of an apostrophe (first paragraph, first essay - should you ask) an expensively dressed gentleman shot out of a side door and made a bee line for the reception desk. Looking slightly fraught he leafed through a pile of patients' folders muttering the name and looking hopefully in our direction each time. After several tries my partner took pity on him and volunteered my name and we were invited to join him on the other side of the door.

To my relief the first thing he said was to take no notice of the MS signs - they'd borrowed the rooms for their clinic. However, relief soon gave way to concern as I was informed of the plum - or small satsuma - sized tumour sitting rudely but benignly over my brainstem. This changed my perspective on things, from considering it an annoying intruder interfering with my hearing to a sinking realisation that this was all really a bit serious. The gravity was confirmed by the surgeon who clearly felt the lump should go and whether my acoustic nerve went with it or not wasn't the most important aspect to focus on. However, I am delighted that he did agree to consider trying to operate around the nerve though the chances of saving it are small.

So lying awake the following nights seems really quite reasonable after all, I hope.